“Black women are the toughest women on this planet. Do not believe me? Just try dating one.”
Before the coronavirus came along and decided to take a big poo on our social lives, I remember speaking to a friend about our dating experiences. During our conversation, he said that quote to me, and I howled with laughter. I have heard so many black men tell me that the sisters do not give it up quickly when it comes to an emotional connection and sex.
Even though I have predominately dated outside of my race (much to my own surprise when I think about it, but that's not a discussion for this blog post), I have also had experiences with black women. While I have enjoyed these experiences, I have noticed that when a sister is dealing with a brother, there is a lot more expectation. Even if it is just meant to be casual 'situationship'. She will demand to know where she stands with you from the onset.
Does this mean black women from London are more difficult to date? I believe it is a lot more complicated than that.
Tough women living tough lives
Obviously, I am not a black woman, but even I can see, as a keen observer of culture and modern life, that black women lead tough lives. In some cases, their lives are more challenging than black men's.
Firstly, black women must deal with the fact that they are woman, so that is a lot of judgement from the world. This happens internally within the black community and externally, in the outside world. Secondly, they have black skin which brings with it a lot of negative connotations that they must also cope with in different contexts such as in the workplace and at home.
Looking at it from my own black male perspective, black women in London are less likely to quickly open themselves up to a man sexually and emotionally because they are more attuned to the bullshit of the world than women from other races. Many black women in London come from families where growing up was not rosy and sunny. Times were hard. As a result of this experience, black women from the capital are a lot more street smart and aware of a man's bullshit. To ensure you're the real deal or you're going to take them seriously, they are less likely to jump into bed with you until you've proven yourself as a man in whatever way that is for her.
Particularly in the UK, many millennial black women grew up with very headstrong fathers. For reasons that are too big and too off-topic for this article, black men, especially Africans, who came to the UK from the late 60s and started families, faced monumental challenges which made them very strict men. Also, many African cultures are predominantly patriarchal, so young black women grew up with fathers who made it clear they ran the household.
One characteristic I have noticed with black women who grew up in London and come from a poor background is that they expect their men to be very tough and very masculine. The reason some black men might have such a difficult time dating the sisters is that they really do test how much of a man you are and what you bring to the table. You can sweet-talk them all you want, but if you cannot deliver, they will let you know about it. They are not wowed by your melanin skin like women of other ethnicity might be.
I tend to find that black girls who grew up in a fairly middle-class household with a father who was not very strict, tend to be open to men who are a lot softer or just talk a good game and can show them a fun time. But most black women in the UK, especially London, did not grow up middle-class. They require a man who can help lift them out of the poverty they have grown up in.
Religion plays a big role in their lives
Although this applies more to black women from an African background, religion, particularly Christianity, is hugely important to black women from London. Especially as they reach their mid to late twenties. I have seen many African black women who used to be a little wild in their teenage years become devout Christians almost overnight.
This devotion to Christianity paints every aspect of their lives, especially when it comes to dating. If you are a man just looking for some quick fun, then you should look elsewhere. Such behaviour will simply not fly with black women in London who are deeply religious, which many of them are. Not only must you be a man of the faith, but you must also be one who is responsible in every aspect of his life.
Decide if the juice is the worth the squeeze
I always tell some of my friends that when you are dating a black woman from London, you must decide if the juice is worth the squeeze. That is to say, are you, as a man, willing to really step up and put in the effort and be a man, in the traditional sense, at all times? That is what it will take to date a black woman from London. If a black woman chooses to waste her time with the wrong man, it is more devastating to her for all the reasons stated in this article.
So if you're dating a black woman from London, just remember one thing: "The blacker the berry, the sweeter the juice and the tougher the skin."